literature

Immortal

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Published: Jun 10, 2016

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Literature Text

How will you tell the night
that it was all in vain
blinking with her billion eyes
ashamed that she can see us?
That the Milky Way is a dead-end;
That our bodies are not celestial;

Memories, they hide
In the corners; hunting

Listen
There's a clock in my chest, beating
Plea the time
It's time for it to go back
To stop, stop running
It's not healing lethal wounds

Tell it to them
My heart won't understand
That love can die

breakup depressed distance end kiss kissing literatura literature longing love memories memory night nostalgia poem poetry poezja romantic sadness sorrow stars wiersz freeverse freeversepoem freeversepoetry

Isn't it funny how IMMORTAL and IMMORAL are different just by one single letter?

I have translated one of my poems:

NiesmiertelnaJak powiesz nocy, że
niepotrzebnie
mrugała miliardem oczu,
zawstydzona, że nas widzi?
Że Droga Mleczna to ślepy zaułek
Że nasze ciała nie są niebieskie....
Czemu rzucasz w kąt wspomnienia
Czyhają tam na mnie
Atakują
Słyszysz?
Mam w piersi zegar
Przebłagaj czas
Już pora mu zawrócić
Niech stanie, na wysokości zadania
Śmiertelnych ran, przecież, nie leczy
To im się wytłumacz
Moje serce nie pojmie,
że miłość umiera

I wanted to do it for so, so long! And today I just played that song by Kajiura Yuki and thought it was so alike in the mood... I just had to.

I hope you will like it, though I still get so depressed whenever I think of all this.... this.

Comments6

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beaux-restes

Jun 17, 2016

Overall

Vision

Originality

Technique

Impact

The poem starts off by making metaphoric comparisons and allusions to space and celestial bodies in an allude of heart wrenching love. In the first group of stanzas the speaker seems to ask to a mysterious entity how the night, which could possibly be a comparison to a girl, would be known gleaming in vain and brutal truths about its surroundings. The second group of stanzas transition on with only a select few words involving the memories that hide within the said night. The next group is a distressing cry to stop the speaker's past feelings and memories from dwelling and reoccurring any longer. And the last group of stanzas ends with a couple of last words conveying the loss of hope in love and its ways.

While beautifully written, the second group doesn't quite resonate to the rest of the poem, and though seemingly relevant, doesn't quite sound or fit up to par. Either it could be reworded or cut out. Otherwise, well done.